Tuesday, August 29, 2006


It has been said that Biddison women are tenacious. I am also aware that I that I take after my dad in my lack of tactfulness. This gets me in trouble.

I made a comment to a teaching colleague in regards to him having no problems in getting what schedule he wants for the next term. My method of announcing this was possibly critical in tone. Now he's a very friendly and reasonable guy, so I hope it's not held against me, or worse yet, gossipped about to others in order to point out how negative I am.

The cause for this was my own feelings of inadequacy regarding my own teaching status. I have been feeling very "at risk" in my situation, and quite possibly reading more into the non-verbal communication than is really there. I could also be creating a non-existent problem by my own runaway imagination.

The result is that I need to apologize in order to mend any possible fracture, whether or not what I said was taken inappropriately or not.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Another rainy season day

I'm sitting here playing around in the internet cafe. I spent nearly 2 hours chatting with my mom on the internet phone. It's funny, cause sometimes we're lucky to keep talking for 30 minutes. This time we both had lots to share with each other.

The rain's come early today as it's poured twice in the over 2 hours that I've been here. Usually the rain is in the afternoon or evening. I don't mind, cause I really like the rain, unless I have to go somewhere in it.

My police class that I teach 3 days a week has been so sketchy cause they're such busy men, being the department chiefs and commissioners and all. Now I just got notice that they'll be out for a week due to the vice Prime Minister coming in to town. The last two weeks it was the king, or some royal.

The school term's been going well. After two complaints, I feel like I'm on a thin line and if anything goes wrong I'll be out for good. A swift boot kick out the door and "have a nice life!" There's no job security being a sessional teacher. But a contract is nearly impossible to get, plus you lose out on any possibility of free time cause you're chained to the school. Darned if you do, darned if you don't.

I'm content, though not enough to make me sit idle. I know that I must improve or at least show that I am worthy of remaining a teacher in the eyes of the students AND management. Basically this means: keep ur trap shut and eyes on the prize. A difficult thing for one who likes to ask about all sorts of things. Curiosity could very well maim this cat.

I may not be a "natural" teacher, but I think I have the potential to be a very good teacher if my style were more accepted rather than trying to fit me into a shoebox typecast "perfect teacher". I don't think I can ever be the perfect teacher because I get too involved in my students and the issues. I am too honest and realistic, so I find it difficult to sugarcoat anything.

Besides, what else can I do? I have tried running away from teaching, but am strangely drawn back to it like a rubber band. Why won't my rubber band snap?

I am one darn good organizer that's for sure! I think I am more suited to administrative type work where organization, filing and linear order is preferred to establishing and developing relationships with groups which requires emotional sensitivity.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

It snot so bad

According to an Australian study, eating your boogers is good for you. Apparently they found that the dried snot in your nose is actually beneficial for improving the anti-viral work of your intestines by introducing potential "bad things" from your snot in order to develop greater immunity. Nose pickers who eat what they find are actually healthier and more disease free!

Anyone for a hambooger?

Friday, August 18, 2006

Wrestling with old flames

Recently it was reported to me by a close friend that an old flame was asking about me. At firt I felt very uncomfortable at the idea of his continued interest in me. That funny feeling inside appears and the questions start rolling in. Am I still interested in him? Do I forsake my current relationship to return? Does he still feel the same way?

My response was to have my friend tell him to contact me directly. My email's the same. That was the problem before: lack of regular contact or communication back to me. I even gave the option of using his native language if it made it easier.

I don't like the idea of an old flame asking about me to someone else, unless it's completely impersonal information like: what's she doing now? Is she still teaching? NOT questions like: Is she dating anyone else?

Although, I must admit that I have done similar things, though not necessarily about previous boyfriends, but for people in general. It's safer to ask a neutral 3rd party about someone else than bother with confronting that person directly, especially when there's been some weirdness in the past.

Am I right? Maybe. Maybe not.

What should I do?

Another person said that she would be curious about this old flame's intentions and thought she would like to investigate more thoroughly if she were me. I'm afraid of bringing back all those old emotions and risking jeoapardizing [sp?] my current relationship commitment.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

To forgive is divine

I witnessed an amazing event this week which blew my mind in opposite directions.

Initially it was a huge disaster of negative proportions, with yelling and shouting by two of my colleagues over a radio. One wanted to listen to the radio, the other wanted to take it to class. Now, generally the unspoken school rule is that teaching use overules personal use. The listener wanted to keep the radio and make the other go out of the way to find another from a classroom. In the short end, the radio stayed, but not without cross words.

Later, when the teacher left, the listener aked if it was unreasonable to demand the teacher to fetch a different one. Simply, "Yes." Through divine assistance and a calm manner, I was able to guide the listener to an understanding that the displayed behavior was rather self-serving and improper. The reality is that the listener had actually taken the stereo from another classroom and never returned it properly so that all the other teachers have been without a CD player to use, including myself. I informed the listener that I usually have to go out of my way to another classroom to obtain a CD player to use because that room's player is missing.

Later that day as I returned to school, the listener informed me that an apology had been made to the teacher. I didn't say much, save for noting the generous response and affirming that now the response is up to the teacher to accept and move on.

Further that day, I approached the teacher to slyly ask about this apology and the teacher replied that it was so shocking to hear that a response was frozen inside. This teacher further added that it was so impressive that there was no need to hold it against the listener any longer. The teacher queried me about my role in the situation and I relayed the aforementioned episode. The gratitude was evident.

Not to boast (really), but I am very pleased that I was able to positively influence a potentially corrosive situation into a friendly understanding. Not only that, but such a huge change of heart. Believe me, an apology from the listener is a really big deal.

To God be the glory!

Now entering the modern world

I broke down today and bought a DVD/VCD/MPC/CD player. I have had this inner debate going for more than 3 years now: to buy or not to buy.

-I'll have to continually buy DVDS, etc.
-The TV provides enough entertainment.
-There are other things to do than just sit and watch a movie.
-I don't want to support the pirating industry.

-Now I can watch those Seinfeld DVDs I bought to show in my Diploma Course.
-People will no longer respond: "You don't have a DVD player!?"
-I can load up on cheap pirated flicks. (Hey, everybody else's doing it!)

What's next?
I suppose it's going to be a fridge. The excuse here is that it will use up too much electricity, plus I don't really keep that much food on hand to limit my constant foraging.

Current Modernity Index
-an iron + ironing board
-laptop + handy dandy neopreme carrying case
-electric water pot
-digital camera
-portable CD player with mini speakers
-a couple of flash drives
-flashlights (most Cambodians still use wimpy candles when the electricity goes out)
-a mobile phone