On deception

Life has a funny way of causing me to question motives and re-think actions and attitudes. I've been reflecting a lot on the issue of deceipt and dishonesty.

I am confronted on a daily basis with the choice to trust or not to trust the people around me. I have commented to others that my faith in the decency and purity of people has plummeted. I now have a very difficult time trusting anyone because I have been lied to and cheated so many times since I've been in Asia.

In fact, when I did a fun quiz with of a group of my pre-intermediate students on how honest they were (as an introduction to teaching the 2nd conditional, unreal/unlikely future), only 3 students out of about 20 actually scored in the range of being honest people. The majority scored in the OK or dishonest category.

In fact, one student shocked me so much by completing the sentence, "If someone lied to me, I would. . ." and he completed it with ". . . be happy." I actually stopped class and clarified what he said because I was so shocked that he was so casual about it.

What I have been coming to realize is that lying, cheating and stealing are considered necessary and prized virtues by most Cambodians nowadays. It happens so often and is so rampant that there is an attitude: "you can't fight 'em so join 'em."

My heart is so incredibly sad to come to this realization because I know that it is a stumbing block to true freedom. And as an American (along with other western foreigners) it is not in my spirit to want to accept this. I want to believe that people are good and honest. Unfortunately, reality paints a different picture which flies in the face of everything that I have learned and been taught.

The rainy season ends

I love the idea of living close to a body of water. In China it was a canal. Now in Siem Reap, it's the Siem Reap River. While not such a beauty as the Amazon, it has been quite swollen this year with all the rain we've received.

This is a photo of it quite full. The Boat Festival is just around the corner and there will be longboats plying the waters.

Developing in the developing world

Development is the buzz word over here in Camboland. If you're not teaching English, then you are most likely involved in some sort of development work in the NGO world. Just what that means is a very obscure thing. However, personal development has been the issue for me, as it should for any Jesus Freak.

Key word: attitude. (Things are always key words for me since students have trouble identifying them and getting the point.)

I went introspective at the end of last term and the transportation journeys to Phnom Penh, Bangkok and Ventienne provided ample contemplation time for some things that have been weighing on my mind. I felt I was in a tailspin and needed to find a way out.

I turned over a new leaf, turned my frown upside down and marched forward re-invigorated with a fresh sense of purposeful direction. I also eliminated unnecessary curiosity (7 lives out of 9 to go).

a mental pile-up

OK, so the new school term has started and I'm already behind. I've got lots of catching up to do as far as lesson prep goes.

I also have a lot of blog entries in the cue about my travels in Laos, Bangkok and Phnom Penh of late. Here's a taste of what's to come:

Angel in a green t-shirt

Lovely tuk-tuk family

Suvarnabhumi, Suvarna-bust!

I'm not a doctor, I don't play one on TV
(aka Doctors without licenses)

Stay tuned!

Funny things have happened

I'm writing from Laos as I just arrived yesterday from an overnight train ride from the city of angels. I have really enjoyed my last two days shopping in the big city, riding the sky trains and underground, buying delicious street food. It's like a little slice of Asian heaven.

My first night in the city there was a military coup. I slept through it, which says a lot about it since it really wasn't a disasterous event. That still didn't stop me from setting out to wander the Tesco Lotus superstore. Aisles of food and clothes and home products at inexpensive prices. The Old Market just doesn't compare.

I've been buying things for myself, too, which doesn't usually happen. More often I'm on the lookout for things other people might want, so it was delightful to get things for myself that I wouldn't ordinarily do. I still managed to find things for others.

Things for myself:
a comic strip inspired purse/bag
two new pairs of sandals (almost 3, but I figured that was going overboard)
underwear (not really exciting, I know, but I don't usually find good ones here)
pretty smelling handmade soaps: coconut and rose
a new digital battery charger
towels (big, soft and fluffy)
Nescafe 3 in 1 mild coffee (just to see what is different between mild and regular)

Things for others:
handmade soap
Best of Loso VCD
white ovaltine


Still on the list is:
umbrellas for Umbrella Tours
a toaster oven
more food products unavailable in Camboland, or cheaper in BKK
and whatever else I find that suits my fancy and budget

Driven to dance

The end of term staff party was quite the doozy, or shall I say "boozy"? It started out with drinks at the director's house: wine (Argentinian and Chilean), beer, gin & tonics and non-alcoholic stuff too. After two hours of downing the juice and putting a spin on things it was time to walk over to the restaurant across the street for some food in our bellies. Isn't that supposed to come before the drinking.

Of course more pitchers of beer adorned the table and were frequently emptied and replaced with topped up jugs. I stuck to bottle water because the two glasses of wine were plenty for me.

After the meal came the karaoke and the dancing. Dancing!? Yes, good ol Cambodian style dancing of twirling the hands and walking in circles with some sort of a rhythm. It was great when it was the group thing, then it started becoming a couples thing. And who do you think asked me to dance? The driver.

This is the same guy who puts my life at peril three days a week. No one else who rides with him has the same reaction. But it always seems that the near misses only happen when I'm in the car. And then to add insult to injury, we often come screaming into the school parking lot just slam on the breaks. The driver seems to get a kick out of watching the students fly out of harms way. One of these days his breaks are going to go out and when he plows into the front office it won't be so funny anymore. I'm thankful for the seatbelt that works because someday, it'll save my life in his car.

So, all that to say, I always thought he had it in for me since his erradic driving seemed aimed at gaining pleasure from my fright. I was extremely surprised when he kept asking me to dance. Nobody else he wanted. There was even an attempt at a western slow dance. Oh well. I guess it's nice to be asked to dance even if it is by a desperate driver.

End of term relief

All results have been given. All reports have been written. Now it's time to sit back and relax and forget about all the troubles and enjoy the upcoming vacation time.

It is always difficult to give out failing results to students. It makes it worse when the try to ask for one more point or to re-take the test. These are generally the students who need to repeat the level in order to practice those skills they lack. Some manage to pass while I know that they will struggle with the next level of English just as much as they did this term.

It's party time. Students who successfully completed Pre-Intermediate, Intermediate and Upper-Intermediate levels will receive certificates today. The best part, however, is the snacks afterwards. Yummy!

To the Wat I went

Today was a special pagoda day since I will be out of the country during one of Cambodia's biggest family holidays which includes making traditional rice cakes and visiting the pagoda to honor deceased relatives and ancestors.

Today we drove out to the countryside to visit the pagoda where the mother's mother had been buried. It was just us (Mom, Dad, sister, Da, me and an uncle plus some monks). We finished just as the rain came. Glad we had the car.

I wish it hadn't been raining because we passed some lovely pools with water lillies in bloom, 3 different colors no less. Bummer.

Post-birthday reflection

Now, there was no 5-star cake. But, that's ok. Somehow the hotel's new baker did not know how to bake cakes. Can someone explain to me why a 5-star hotel would hire a baker who can't bake a cake?

There were 11 family members from 3 generations in attendance. All sat on the floor in my little one-room flat (approx. 6 sq feet of floor space due to the furniture) to eat BBQ chicken and rice.

It was really enjoyable, though tiring cause I had just had our KIDS classes big presentation and party earlier which really wore me out, but was quite successful. All was finished by 9:30 pm.

It's my birthday: ho hum

A birthday party is being planned for me, which is somewhat of a surprise because I expected something else. It's really sweet because I thought that there was going to be a different plan. But apparently a cake has been ordered from a 5-star hotel, and drinks are being organized. I don't have to do anything, but clean up my house.

Honestly I'm really not the birthday party kind of person. I don't really need a celebration to acknowledge the anniversary of my entrance into the world, unlike other people I know. But surprises are always appreciated!

Happy Birthday to me on September 12, 2006. As a historical note, I'll be 32 years old.

An "I told you so" type burglary

This morning I was woken up to the loud noises eminating from the Philippino neighbors across the way. Not unusual considering I knew they were getting ready to leave on holiday. But when the screams of help and police and money/passports stolen, I knew that all was not right.

The all-too-often crime of opportunity took place. A man with a long pole snagged a purse and scored with an envelope with $600. (By the way, that's a HUGE amount of money for a person over here, so the burglar hit at the right time.) However, I don't think this was just a random theft as many window thefts are. Two poles lashed together with wire was used, indicating that this was planned.

It's a very unfortunate event, but a constant reminder that these kinds of burglaries will continue to happen. This is the 3rd or 4th time just in the two years I have lived there. Thankfully I have never been the victim, yet. But I personally warned them of the possibility and frequency of this crime for them to be vigilent. Now they really know.

The good thing is that their passports were not stolen or else it would be bye-bye vacation and visit home for them. They managed to leave per scheduled time at 5:30am. Needless to say I got no more sleep from 3:30am on.

There's really nothing to be done. The police came but, they really can't respond to this besides take a report. (which makes me think who paid for that report and how much it cost for waking up the guy at that time.)

Regrets

It has been said that Biddison women are tenacious. I am also aware that I that I take after my dad in my lack of tactfulness. This gets me in trouble.

I made a comment to a teaching colleague in regards to him having no problems in getting what schedule he wants for the next term. My method of announcing this was possibly critical in tone. Now he's a very friendly and reasonable guy, so I hope it's not held against me, or worse yet, gossipped about to others in order to point out how negative I am.

The cause for this was my own feelings of inadequacy regarding my own teaching status. I have been feeling very "at risk" in my situation, and quite possibly reading more into the non-verbal communication than is really there. I could also be creating a non-existent problem by my own runaway imagination.

The result is that I need to apologize in order to mend any possible fracture, whether or not what I said was taken inappropriately or not.

Another rainy season day

I'm sitting here playing around in the internet cafe. I spent nearly 2 hours chatting with my mom on the internet phone. It's funny, cause sometimes we're lucky to keep talking for 30 minutes. This time we both had lots to share with each other.

The rain's come early today as it's poured twice in the over 2 hours that I've been here. Usually the rain is in the afternoon or evening. I don't mind, cause I really like the rain, unless I have to go somewhere in it.

My police class that I teach 3 days a week has been so sketchy cause they're such busy men, being the department chiefs and commissioners and all. Now I just got notice that they'll be out for a week due to the vice Prime Minister coming in to town. The last two weeks it was the king, or some royal.

The school term's been going well. After two complaints, I feel like I'm on a thin line and if anything goes wrong I'll be out for good. A swift boot kick out the door and "have a nice life!" There's no job security being a sessional teacher. But a contract is nearly impossible to get, plus you lose out on any possibility of free time cause you're chained to the school. Darned if you do, darned if you don't.

I'm content, though not enough to make me sit idle. I know that I must improve or at least show that I am worthy of remaining a teacher in the eyes of the students AND management. Basically this means: keep ur trap shut and eyes on the prize. A difficult thing for one who likes to ask about all sorts of things. Curiosity could very well maim this cat.

I may not be a "natural" teacher, but I think I have the potential to be a very good teacher if my style were more accepted rather than trying to fit me into a shoebox typecast "perfect teacher". I don't think I can ever be the perfect teacher because I get too involved in my students and the issues. I am too honest and realistic, so I find it difficult to sugarcoat anything.

Besides, what else can I do? I have tried running away from teaching, but am strangely drawn back to it like a rubber band. Why won't my rubber band snap?

I am one darn good organizer that's for sure! I think I am more suited to administrative type work where organization, filing and linear order is preferred to establishing and developing relationships with groups which requires emotional sensitivity.

It snot so bad

According to an Australian study, eating your boogers is good for you. Apparently they found that the dried snot in your nose is actually beneficial for improving the anti-viral work of your intestines by introducing potential "bad things" from your snot in order to develop greater immunity. Nose pickers who eat what they find are actually healthier and more disease free!

Anyone for a hambooger?

Wrestling with old flames

Recently it was reported to me by a close friend that an old flame was asking about me. At firt I felt very uncomfortable at the idea of his continued interest in me. That funny feeling inside appears and the questions start rolling in. Am I still interested in him? Do I forsake my current relationship to return? Does he still feel the same way?

My response was to have my friend tell him to contact me directly. My email's the same. That was the problem before: lack of regular contact or communication back to me. I even gave the option of using his native language if it made it easier.

I don't like the idea of an old flame asking about me to someone else, unless it's completely impersonal information like: what's she doing now? Is she still teaching? NOT questions like: Is she dating anyone else?

Although, I must admit that I have done similar things, though not necessarily about previous boyfriends, but for people in general. It's safer to ask a neutral 3rd party about someone else than bother with confronting that person directly, especially when there's been some weirdness in the past.

Am I right? Maybe. Maybe not.

What should I do?

Another person said that she would be curious about this old flame's intentions and thought she would like to investigate more thoroughly if she were me. I'm afraid of bringing back all those old emotions and risking jeoapardizing [sp?] my current relationship commitment.

To forgive is divine

I witnessed an amazing event this week which blew my mind in opposite directions.

Initially it was a huge disaster of negative proportions, with yelling and shouting by two of my colleagues over a radio. One wanted to listen to the radio, the other wanted to take it to class. Now, generally the unspoken school rule is that teaching use overules personal use. The listener wanted to keep the radio and make the other go out of the way to find another from a classroom. In the short end, the radio stayed, but not without cross words.

Later, when the teacher left, the listener aked if it was unreasonable to demand the teacher to fetch a different one. Simply, "Yes." Through divine assistance and a calm manner, I was able to guide the listener to an understanding that the displayed behavior was rather self-serving and improper. The reality is that the listener had actually taken the stereo from another classroom and never returned it properly so that all the other teachers have been without a CD player to use, including myself. I informed the listener that I usually have to go out of my way to another classroom to obtain a CD player to use because that room's player is missing.

Later that day as I returned to school, the listener informed me that an apology had been made to the teacher. I didn't say much, save for noting the generous response and affirming that now the response is up to the teacher to accept and move on.

Further that day, I approached the teacher to slyly ask about this apology and the teacher replied that it was so shocking to hear that a response was frozen inside. This teacher further added that it was so impressive that there was no need to hold it against the listener any longer. The teacher queried me about my role in the situation and I relayed the aforementioned episode. The gratitude was evident.

Not to boast (really), but I am very pleased that I was able to positively influence a potentially corrosive situation into a friendly understanding. Not only that, but such a huge change of heart. Believe me, an apology from the listener is a really big deal.

To God be the glory!

Now entering the modern world

I broke down today and bought a DVD/VCD/MPC/CD player. I have had this inner debate going for more than 3 years now: to buy or not to buy.

Cons
-I'll have to continually buy DVDS, etc.
-The TV provides enough entertainment.
-There are other things to do than just sit and watch a movie.
-I don't want to support the pirating industry.

Pros
-Now I can watch those Seinfeld DVDs I bought to show in my Diploma Course.
-People will no longer respond: "You don't have a DVD player!?"
-I can load up on cheap pirated flicks. (Hey, everybody else's doing it!)

What's next?
I suppose it's going to be a fridge. The excuse here is that it will use up too much electricity, plus I don't really keep that much food on hand to limit my constant foraging.

Current Modernity Index
-an iron + ironing board
-TV
-computer
-laptop + handy dandy neopreme carrying case
-electric water pot
-digital camera
-portable CD player with mini speakers
-a couple of flash drives
-flashlights (most Cambodians still use wimpy candles when the electricity goes out)
-a mobile phone

Visited Countries

create your own visited countries map

OK, so I ran into this on flickr and it looked interesting. You can do it, too!

The comments are pretty funny though.

Near Monkey Attack

So the menacing monkey appeared again on my roof near the mango tree. He was banging away on my kitchen roof when I decided to climb the stairs outside to get a better look and confirm my suspicions.

Ah, yes. There he was, squatting on my roof looking for another place to terrorize. He caught my eye and gave me the monkey face for stay back: opening his mouth and showing me his teeth. (Thank you Jeff Corwin for your experiences on Animal Planet.)

I stared back thinking, "I'm the bigger animal." Not good. He scurried forward to my horror. I scooted as nimbly as a person can down a unevenly tiled staircase as he came leaping at me. My scream drew the attention of my Pilippino neighbor who asked what was wrong.

"Close the windows and doors! There's a monkey afoot!"

Thankfully I survived with no bites or scratches. The monkey climbed up to the second story house for more mayhem I suppose.

Singapore Swing

Dropped in on Singapore for a few days last week. I always love coming to this island cause everything is so modern compared to Cambodia. Things run so much more smoothly and you know what exactly to expect.

I stayed in the Little India District which is one of the more colorful areas, and pungent, of Singpore. Although Chinatown is brilliant (US meaning) at night with all the lights and lanterns lit up. My favorite here is the BBQ Pork, which are these flattened squares of BBQ'd pork which are so succulent and addicting that of course they're bad for you.

The other thing that's great about Singapore is the shopping. I swear Singapore is set up with that single purpose in mind. There are so many shopping malls, it's incredible. One even runs underground for a couple of city blocks. I have a particular favorite on the famous Orchard Road mall stretch called Urban Warehouse. Inexpensive clothes that are fashionable and comfortable. I stocked up on my favorite brand of fashionable T-shirts called Patch. Plus I found a great new denim skirt. Yay! New life in my school fashion selection.

I stay at a great hostel called The Inn Crowd, where they are very hospitable and the facilities are superb (furnished by IKEA). There's an open kitchen that hostellers are welcome to use. I did and cooked up a storm. I even had the opportunity to share my Cambodian Lok Lak with one of the staff. She graciously in return went out and bought some Singaporean Laksa to share. It was spicy and was full of raw cockles (a kind of shellfish) and prawns, so not my favorite, but nice thought. The noodles in it were great and the flavor had a really satisfying aftertaste.

So the great Singapore Adventure ended with an evening stroll about town along the waterfront and canal. Daytime is just to boiling to wander around. It's a city dedicated to celebrating art.